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September 17th, 2015
As I was searching for ideas for my final project,
listening clearly to this Disney song Part
of the World. And suddenly this thought came through. That my life goes on
really fast, and all I can do is just realizing how much time that I have
missed. How many opportunities gone in a flash of light. I am now 23 and I
don’t even know what I really want to do in life.
One statement from Uber driver that I rode yesterday morning
tickled me, he said: I always said to my daughters who are now in college, do
not attempt high for career, but first find yourself a good man. Once you find
a responsible and good-mannered man, your life will be like in heaven. This
goes in ryhtm with what one of my seniors said: be careful if you focus too
much on your career, time goes fast and suddenly boom! You’re almost 30 and you
realize that you’re still alone.
I see that those comments have points. Maybe all I need
right now is a good man. After all, I am just an ordinary woman who would love
get married, have children, raise them, and enjoy my retirement with good
pension. But how? It’s been so long since I last dated someone that I actually
fond of that I don’t even know where to start (and even how to flirt).
One old friend of my mom said that: a woman however, should
have freedom to choose what they want to do, and there is nothing wrong if they
want to aim higher in career, then she is good enough to find herself a
comparably good man as a partner. That makes more sense in my situation, I
guess.
However, the reason that I start writing after long time, is
that I hope to publish this someday. Maybe juts on my blog, but I feel like I
have to start pouring my thoughts and ideas. Who knows that someday they might
be heard and accomplished.
A colleague had once this passion assessment done to me, and
he said that I should be working in creative industry. He said that I should
start writing my ideas, because he saw my potential to be a script-writer. He
also encouraged me to start joining communities as it may help me to reach what
I actually want to do in life. So lately, I’ve been thinking about it and I
decided to give it a try. I even think to study literature/art/films abroad. I
mean, dream while you can still dream, take risks while you’re still young.
Because when you get old, you have the tendency to avoid risks and play safe.
I honestly don’t know if this writing will be a piece of
rubbish or will it become true. Well, we’ll see J
September 24th, 2015
I guess it is the mixture of homesick, sick all of this
project, and not knowing what to do. I know I shouldn’t feel sick about my
work. I should be grateful instead, because many of my friends and relatives
are struggling to find jobs, and working in one of the biggest company in
Indonesia, surrounded by nice and helpful colleagues, I should be thankful, not
grumpy, right?
I guess it’s homesick, then. I miss home. Period. No
explanation needed. I miss hanging out with my family, only four of us. I miss
little fights we do at home. I miss debating with my mom. I even miss her
questioning me about my love life, which is annoying sometimes. I miss my
parents scold me about waking up early and doing my chores at home. But what
should I do? I will only go back home in December for about a week. And I
realize that it is my own choice to move to Jakarta and go for a better career.
My dad has offered and directed me to stay and work at my hometown, but I
refused it.
I was taking that decision because I want to prove and show
everyone that I am a NOT homy, introverted, shy girl who is afraid to take
risks. This time I AM TAKING THE CHANCE. Because I realize there are so many
opportunities that I have turned down, because I think I don’t deserve it, I
cant do it, I have limitations, I am not that good, and other bullshit reasons.
So that is my own choice, but I never know it would be this
heavy for me to handle it alone. So I guess it’s normal for me to miss home.
And I miss home. So much. Period.
And I still miss my home now :)
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