Before this,
We were running,
Chasing,
Rushing,
Snogging,
Hugging,
Touching,
And..
Suddenly THIS came.
And the world shut down,
As if it stopped spinning
Everything went quiet
Abruptly, Unwillingly
We were forced to do the same.
Do you know every being have incredible survival instinct?
And look at it now,
Skies are clear
Traffics are nowhere to be seen
Humanity acts are restored
Technologies are rapidly recognized
Hygiene is part of human lives
Families are not taken for granted
And we survived this far
I have found beauty in silence, have you?
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Tuesday 26 May 2020
Saturday 9 November 2019
Taking Chances
"What do you say to taking chances?"
"What do you say to jumping of the edge?"
"Never know if there's a solid ground below, or hell to go, or hand to hold".
That's the lyrics of one of my favourite songs of Celine Dion's "Taking Chances". The current song popped up in my head at the moment. I may be at the edge right now. I did not know how close I was to the edge until last night - until I was forced to think differently about my life. Until a friend confronted me asking if I would stay in my comfort zone forever, accept anything of what life will throw at me, while at the same time wondering "what ifs" and complaining about my average boring life.
I was stunned, anxious, sad, angry, and confused at the same time. Unready to open up to limitless opportunities that I might have had a long time ago, and I still have right now. Unable to think that I could have a different life if I have not been so afraid of taking chances. My heart is actually pounding so hard right now while typing this. I am afraid but excited, because taking this decision in a fully aware condition, at this age of mine, will affect my future forever. What makes me anxious to bits is that there's a big probability that I would fail eventually and God knows how much I hate failures.
So today, is the day that I decided to be brave. To embrace that possibility of failing and still do it anyway. To admit that I am just a clueless human being who can screw things up. One thing I am sure of, I would be forever devastated of not taking the chances I am having right now, just because I am afraid of failing. Everyone fails at times, do they?
I am hoping I would constantly be courageous and whatever challenges happen, I will not back up - Please wish that I can always be this brave - I may forget about this someday - so this writing would either be a nice reminder for me or a slap in the face - Happy Sunday all!
"What do you say to jumping of the edge?"
"Never know if there's a solid ground below, or hell to go, or hand to hold".
That's the lyrics of one of my favourite songs of Celine Dion's "Taking Chances". The current song popped up in my head at the moment. I may be at the edge right now. I did not know how close I was to the edge until last night - until I was forced to think differently about my life. Until a friend confronted me asking if I would stay in my comfort zone forever, accept anything of what life will throw at me, while at the same time wondering "what ifs" and complaining about my average boring life.
I was stunned, anxious, sad, angry, and confused at the same time. Unready to open up to limitless opportunities that I might have had a long time ago, and I still have right now. Unable to think that I could have a different life if I have not been so afraid of taking chances. My heart is actually pounding so hard right now while typing this. I am afraid but excited, because taking this decision in a fully aware condition, at this age of mine, will affect my future forever. What makes me anxious to bits is that there's a big probability that I would fail eventually and God knows how much I hate failures.
So today, is the day that I decided to be brave. To embrace that possibility of failing and still do it anyway. To admit that I am just a clueless human being who can screw things up. One thing I am sure of, I would be forever devastated of not taking the chances I am having right now, just because I am afraid of failing. Everyone fails at times, do they?
I am hoping I would constantly be courageous and whatever challenges happen, I will not back up - Please wish that I can always be this brave - I may forget about this someday - so this writing would either be a nice reminder for me or a slap in the face - Happy Sunday all!
Friday 22 February 2019
What's Keeping You Up & Awake?
What's Keeping You Up & Awake?
For me, it's different each day. One day I woke up with fear of today's pile of tasks, the other day I woke up looking forward to a meeting with my dear friends. Some days were just too gloomy to live in, some days were just too good to be true. The strange part is, I can not choose what feelings I want to feel when I wake up. However, I think we all can control it. How?
This old friend of mine, I noticed, has done this kind of gratitude challenge on Instagram. The challenge is to write 3 things every day that makes you grateful for consecutively 10 days. It strikes me that sometimes the things that make us smile are the smallest thing in life, things that we take for granted every day. So the first thing we can do to control our wake-up-feelings is to be grateful for each and every small things in life. It would be great if there are tons of big momentous things happen in your life every day, but if not, even if it's one hell of a crappy day, learn to be thankful of every breath you take, every food you eat, every drop of urine you can pee (and poop?), because we all know, how many people in this world can not experience such comfort you have.
I recently cut my foot while opening an iron door in my boarding house. Unfortunately I didn't rush it to the hospital to get stitched. The wound worsened the next day and as a result, I have to wait for 2 months for it to completely heal. In those 2 months, while getting treatment, I have to keep the wound dry and sterile. So, I become anxious (and super lazy) whenever I have to shower. Those 2 months have been agitating for me. On one of my mellowest days, I remembered I prayed to God and cried while hoping whether I am going to be able to take a "normal" shower, without having to put one of my feet up, worried that the water would splash the wound, and not getting super sad and lazy whenever the day to wash my hair came (I even had my haircut to ease myself). It is only through this experience that now I feel super grateful just to be able to shower and wash my hair "normally", thing that I have taken for granted for so long, only after it has gone that I realize how important it is to me.
Second attempt to control your feeling is, I guess, dream a little dream. No matter how small/big/easy/frightening/cheesy it is, IT IS YOUR DREAMS. No one is entitled to own it, but you. Dreams are what's keeping you up & awake, no matter how struggling each day is. Blessed are those who are living their dreams right now. Double-blessed are the ones who haven't. That means, you are given the chance to live each day to pursue your goals, to try to be better each and every day, to have that trial and error and learn from it, to get excited with every chance you have, and also to fear of what's coming next. I encourage you to go get your dreams, starting today, even if you die when you have not achieved your dreams, you are living your life pursuing a good thing. So why not?
Dreaming makes you have a hope for the future, and as my favorite quote on Shawshank Redemption once said, "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
Tuesday 1 January 2019
Why I Haven't Been Writing These Days
Inconsistency, Procrastination, More Attractive Youtube Content, Movies I've Been Wanting to Stream, Checking my Instagram, Replying Whatsapp Group, Slow Internet Connection, Old Notebook That's Taking Forever to Function.
Those are the major reasons why I haven't been writing my blog lately and suddenly it's 2019.
Sometimes, I have random topics that I eagerly want to write, but again those reasons come in between and stop me from writing.
To start this article right, I do not have any particular topic to write about. Instead, I will just write. One sentence or two, soon it will become a full page article. God, this article is so random and pointless, so feel free to switch your web page.
At the beginning of my blog posts in 2016, I wrote about how writing could be a therapy. I still like writing and do think it as a therapy. However, as I realize that I spend most of my time on instagram, it has crossed my mind, what if I use instagram as my writing media, after all I always love to think and create my caption deeply. My friend Vania has started this "caption crafter" thing or whatever the name is. The point is to tell story through your Instagram posts. I don't think it is easy for me because sometimes what I want to write do not match with any picture, and it is the other way around. Sometimes, the picture I want to post a picture of me without any motivating or crappy pointless story like this one. Moreover, I have a quota limit and instagram surely eats a lot of it.
In fact, I have a good supporting argument for that idea. The thing about social media is that you care enough about how people react to your posts, what are their comments, how many people like it, etc. Although many say, "dude, I don't care what people say or think about my posts". Well I'd say, "dude, if you post it on your social media, I think you do care about what people think about it (at least a bit)". Me? I absolutely care about it, and I know people will definitely judge, and I know it will affect me (even in the slightest impact). I may just have not been ready to receive such attention, there's always a first time for everything. So, who knows?
*) Let's hope this is not my first and last writing in 2019, as I will attempt to reduce those major reasons.
Those are the major reasons why I haven't been writing my blog lately and suddenly it's 2019.
Sometimes, I have random topics that I eagerly want to write, but again those reasons come in between and stop me from writing.
To start this article right, I do not have any particular topic to write about. Instead, I will just write. One sentence or two, soon it will become a full page article. God, this article is so random and pointless, so feel free to switch your web page.
At the beginning of my blog posts in 2016, I wrote about how writing could be a therapy. I still like writing and do think it as a therapy. However, as I realize that I spend most of my time on instagram, it has crossed my mind, what if I use instagram as my writing media, after all I always love to think and create my caption deeply. My friend Vania has started this "caption crafter" thing or whatever the name is. The point is to tell story through your Instagram posts. I don't think it is easy for me because sometimes what I want to write do not match with any picture, and it is the other way around. Sometimes, the picture I want to post a picture of me without any motivating or crappy pointless story like this one. Moreover, I have a quota limit and instagram surely eats a lot of it.
In fact, I have a good supporting argument for that idea. The thing about social media is that you care enough about how people react to your posts, what are their comments, how many people like it, etc. Although many say, "dude, I don't care what people say or think about my posts". Well I'd say, "dude, if you post it on your social media, I think you do care about what people think about it (at least a bit)". Me? I absolutely care about it, and I know people will definitely judge, and I know it will affect me (even in the slightest impact). I may just have not been ready to receive such attention, there's always a first time for everything. So, who knows?
*) Let's hope this is not my first and last writing in 2019, as I will attempt to reduce those major reasons.
Saturday 1 September 2018
Why having my heart broken is one of the best thing happened to me
"How can I move on when I'm still in love with you?"
That part of a song is my favorite lyric ever. Painful yet relatable to everyone who has experienced heart broken moment. I mean, how can you not cry heart out when you sing that part?
There is nothing good at waving goodbyes to someone who hold our hearts. It definitely sucks. It makes us feel worthless, lost, defeated and pathetic. At least that's what I felt. As a melancholic, I spent days crying, wondering whys, remembering good and bad old days, planning to fix it, trying heaps of ways to move on, but none of it healed me as a person, not to mention, as a woman. That was the time when I justified the truth behind a quote saying "time heals everything". The hardest thing is we will never know when that time comes. There was a time when I felt like I moved on, but that night I dreamed of him again after such a long time. There was a time, I felt like I was fine with his new relationship, but fell to pieces when I saw his instagram posts about it, and ended up stalking his new girlfriend and comparing myself with her. God, why is this so hard?
It is only when I discovered the true value of mine that I finally found peace. Don't get too much awe, because I am still an ordinary person who can feel weak sometimes. However, I finally found the moment when I can be grateful about the heart broken experiences that I had. I felt so lucky, because having my heart broken is a strong sign that I am a bigger person to give that so much love to someone else, even if it was unrequited one. I have the rights to cry, to scream, to get hurt, and to be hopeless in the most respective way. Yet, I also have the rights to get up, to pray, and to hope for better days. I will have more chances to explore my strengths, work on my weaknesses, decide what I want in life. All in one to improve myself, to find my true happiness without depending on someone else. Having my broken heart was probably one of my saddest experience but also the best thing that happened to me. Without it, I would never know how much improvement I have to make, how much value I have, how strong I am to stand up against all the pain, and how much happy I could be with or without 'that distraction'.
It is still mournful and hurts so bad, but just like all the pain in the world, it will only make you stronger once you have overcome it. Toughen yourself up and may you have the most insightful heart-broken moments!
That part of a song is my favorite lyric ever. Painful yet relatable to everyone who has experienced heart broken moment. I mean, how can you not cry heart out when you sing that part?
There is nothing good at waving goodbyes to someone who hold our hearts. It definitely sucks. It makes us feel worthless, lost, defeated and pathetic. At least that's what I felt. As a melancholic, I spent days crying, wondering whys, remembering good and bad old days, planning to fix it, trying heaps of ways to move on, but none of it healed me as a person, not to mention, as a woman. That was the time when I justified the truth behind a quote saying "time heals everything". The hardest thing is we will never know when that time comes. There was a time when I felt like I moved on, but that night I dreamed of him again after such a long time. There was a time, I felt like I was fine with his new relationship, but fell to pieces when I saw his instagram posts about it, and ended up stalking his new girlfriend and comparing myself with her. God, why is this so hard?
It is only when I discovered the true value of mine that I finally found peace. Don't get too much awe, because I am still an ordinary person who can feel weak sometimes. However, I finally found the moment when I can be grateful about the heart broken experiences that I had. I felt so lucky, because having my heart broken is a strong sign that I am a bigger person to give that so much love to someone else, even if it was unrequited one. I have the rights to cry, to scream, to get hurt, and to be hopeless in the most respective way. Yet, I also have the rights to get up, to pray, and to hope for better days. I will have more chances to explore my strengths, work on my weaknesses, decide what I want in life. All in one to improve myself, to find my true happiness without depending on someone else. Having my broken heart was probably one of my saddest experience but also the best thing that happened to me. Without it, I would never know how much improvement I have to make, how much value I have, how strong I am to stand up against all the pain, and how much happy I could be with or without 'that distraction'.
It is still mournful and hurts so bad, but just like all the pain in the world, it will only make you stronger once you have overcome it. Toughen yourself up and may you have the most insightful heart-broken moments!
Friday 27 July 2018
Dreams
What are your dreams?
I know dreams consist of driven ambitions, slight imagination, sincere prayers, and sometimes parents' encouragement.
We used to have dreams when we were little. Now, time is consuming up our lives and I wonder if your dreams have become your fear.
Aren't you afraid not to able to live up your dreams? Or are you even afraid to try? Aren't they too big for you? Don't you feel they might be out of your reach?
It's tingling and funny because as kids we never feel that way. We just dream. Freely. No pressures. We imagine things we like and wish that when we are big enough to go get it, we will. What happened to that kid? We wait a lifetime to do things we like, and then one day we decide that maybe, just maybe, that dream is not for us. We dream, we plan, and one day we just stop.
It hurts a little bit, because I know the same thing is happening to me. Reality kicks in and I am thinking of giving up. Not because I do not know how to reach it, but I just feel the obstacles and challenges are bigger than me, and I am not ready for it. I feel small, I feel old, I feel distant.
Is it possible to rewrite your dreams? I'd say yes, but I won't define mine as a dream anymore. A dream is called a dream because there is something dreamy about it, right? Mine is more like a life plan. Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, etc. Considering every failure potentials I could have. Pessimistic? Not really, just preparing for the worst. Hey, where's that little kid who'd say go get what she wants?
A lot of assumptions, but hey, maybe she just got awake and embrace the reality :)
I know dreams consist of driven ambitions, slight imagination, sincere prayers, and sometimes parents' encouragement.
We used to have dreams when we were little. Now, time is consuming up our lives and I wonder if your dreams have become your fear.
Aren't you afraid not to able to live up your dreams? Or are you even afraid to try? Aren't they too big for you? Don't you feel they might be out of your reach?
It's tingling and funny because as kids we never feel that way. We just dream. Freely. No pressures. We imagine things we like and wish that when we are big enough to go get it, we will. What happened to that kid? We wait a lifetime to do things we like, and then one day we decide that maybe, just maybe, that dream is not for us. We dream, we plan, and one day we just stop.
It hurts a little bit, because I know the same thing is happening to me. Reality kicks in and I am thinking of giving up. Not because I do not know how to reach it, but I just feel the obstacles and challenges are bigger than me, and I am not ready for it. I feel small, I feel old, I feel distant.
Is it possible to rewrite your dreams? I'd say yes, but I won't define mine as a dream anymore. A dream is called a dream because there is something dreamy about it, right? Mine is more like a life plan. Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, etc. Considering every failure potentials I could have. Pessimistic? Not really, just preparing for the worst. Hey, where's that little kid who'd say go get what she wants?
A lot of assumptions, but hey, maybe she just got awake and embrace the reality :)
Friday 6 April 2018
A Birthday Wisdom
I have just celebrated my birthday, a couple of days ago. Happy birthday to me? Sure, thanks :)
I don't know why, but this time, it gave me a different feeling. On my last birthday, I felt excited but panicked at the same time. I also felt sad about getting older, feeling like I have achieved nothing in the past year. I panicked because in my quarter life age, I have to make a quick decision about my life. I feel like I should have known my life goals, what makes me happy and what doesn't. Who I want to be with, and who I don't. I panicked because I didn't even have a slightest clue about it.
This year, I feel different. I still don't know what I am going to do with my life. It doesn't feel right but instead of panicking like last year, I feel relaxed. I don't feel like I am in a rush anymore. I know rushing things are not good, and I think that instead of pushing something that does not belong with me at the moment, I should be celebrating my present life. Last year I was too busy planning and projecting my future or what I think what my future should be like. I forgot to enjoy my present moments that I was living at that time. Believe me, nothing is more regretful than having realized that your time has gone completely without you having the time to actually enjoy it.
I do believe that things will happen at MY OWN TIME. If nothing happens to you, then nothing happens FOR you. What happens to you, let it happen, sit back, relax, and enjoy the moments of your life as you know it may not happen twice. Yes, I am still freaking out sometimes, like "what if I will never find my purpose in life?", but I also realize that fear gets you nowhere. I try to eliminate that fear of being purposeless in life by being alive itself. In the end, you get only one life, so don't spend it over little things that don't count. One useful thing I have learnt is to try to stop comparing your life with others. They have their own happiness and their own struggles. Be joyful with what you have, as you know thousands of people would've never dreamt of living the life you have right now.
I know life is never easy, but it is worth to live. So please, be happy and be alive. Happy birthday to all my fellow Aries!
I don't know why, but this time, it gave me a different feeling. On my last birthday, I felt excited but panicked at the same time. I also felt sad about getting older, feeling like I have achieved nothing in the past year. I panicked because in my quarter life age, I have to make a quick decision about my life. I feel like I should have known my life goals, what makes me happy and what doesn't. Who I want to be with, and who I don't. I panicked because I didn't even have a slightest clue about it.
This year, I feel different. I still don't know what I am going to do with my life. It doesn't feel right but instead of panicking like last year, I feel relaxed. I don't feel like I am in a rush anymore. I know rushing things are not good, and I think that instead of pushing something that does not belong with me at the moment, I should be celebrating my present life. Last year I was too busy planning and projecting my future or what I think what my future should be like. I forgot to enjoy my present moments that I was living at that time. Believe me, nothing is more regretful than having realized that your time has gone completely without you having the time to actually enjoy it.
I do believe that things will happen at MY OWN TIME. If nothing happens to you, then nothing happens FOR you. What happens to you, let it happen, sit back, relax, and enjoy the moments of your life as you know it may not happen twice. Yes, I am still freaking out sometimes, like "what if I will never find my purpose in life?", but I also realize that fear gets you nowhere. I try to eliminate that fear of being purposeless in life by being alive itself. In the end, you get only one life, so don't spend it over little things that don't count. One useful thing I have learnt is to try to stop comparing your life with others. They have their own happiness and their own struggles. Be joyful with what you have, as you know thousands of people would've never dreamt of living the life you have right now.
I know life is never easy, but it is worth to live. So please, be happy and be alive. Happy birthday to all my fellow Aries!
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