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"How can I move on when I'm still in love with you?"
That part of a song is my favorite lyric ever. Painful yet relatable to everyone who has experienced heart broken moment. I mean, how can you not cry heart out when you sing that part?
There is nothing good at waving goodbyes to someone who hold our hearts. It definitely sucks. It makes us feel worthless, lost, defeated and pathetic. At least that's what I felt. As a melancholic, I spent days crying, wondering whys, remembering good and bad old days, planning to fix it, trying heaps of ways to move on, but none of it healed me as a person, not to mention, as a woman. That was the time when I justified the truth behind a quote saying "time heals everything". The hardest thing is we will never know when that time comes. There was a time when I felt like I moved on, but that night I dreamed of him again after such a long time. There was a time, I felt like I was fine with his new relationship, but fell to pieces when I saw his instagram posts about it, and ended up stalking his new girlfriend and comparing myself with her. God, why is this so hard?
It is only when I discovered the true value of mine that I finally found peace. Don't get too much awe, because I am still an ordinary person who can feel weak sometimes. However, I finally found the moment when I can be grateful about the heart broken experiences that I had. I felt so lucky, because having my heart broken is a strong sign that I am a bigger person to give that so much love to someone else, even if it was unrequited one. I have the rights to cry, to scream, to get hurt, and to be hopeless in the most respective way. Yet, I also have the rights to get up, to pray, and to hope for better days. I will have more chances to explore my strengths, work on my weaknesses, decide what I want in life. All in one to improve myself, to find my true happiness without depending on someone else. Having my broken heart was probably one of my saddest experience but also the best thing that happened to me. Without it, I would never know how much improvement I have to make, how much value I have, how strong I am to stand up against all the pain, and how much happy I could be with or without 'that distraction'.
It is still mournful and hurts so bad, but just like all the pain in the world, it will only make you stronger once you have overcome it. Toughen yourself up and may you have the most insightful heart-broken moments!
