Taking Chances

"What do you say to taking chances?"
"What do you say to jumping of the edge?"
"Never know if there's a solid ground below, or hell to go, or hand to hold".

That's the lyrics of one of my favourite songs of Celine Dion's "Taking Chances". The current song popped up in my head at the moment. I may be at the edge right now. I did not know how close I was to the edge until last night - until I was forced to think differently about my life. Until a friend confronted me asking if I would stay in my comfort zone forever, accept anything of what life will throw at me, while at the same time wondering "what ifs" and complaining about my average boring life.

I was stunned, anxious, sad, angry, and confused at the same time. Unready to open up to limitless opportunities that I might have had a long time ago, and I still have right now. Unable to think that I could have a different life if I have not been so afraid of taking chances. My heart is actually pounding so hard right now while typing this. I am afraid but excited, because taking this decision in a fully aware condition, at this age of mine, will affect my future forever. What makes me anxious to bits is that there's a big probability that I would fail eventually and God knows how much I hate failures.

So today, is the day that I decided to be brave. To embrace that possibility of failing and still do it anyway. To admit that I am just a clueless human being who can  screw things up. One thing I am sure of, I would be forever devastated of not taking the chances I am having right now, just because I am afraid of failing. Everyone fails at times, do they?

I am hoping I would constantly be courageous and whatever challenges happen, I will not back up - Please wish that I can always be this brave - I may forget about this someday - so this writing would either be a nice reminder for me or a slap in the face - Happy Sunday all!

What's Keeping You Up & Awake?

What's Keeping You Up & Awake?

For me, it's different each day. One day I woke up with fear of today's pile of tasks, the other day I woke up looking forward to a meeting with my dear friends. Some days were just too gloomy to live in, some days were just too good to be true. The strange part is, I can not choose what feelings I want to feel when I wake up. However, I think we all can control it. How?

This old friend of mine, I noticed, has done this kind of gratitude challenge on Instagram. The challenge is to write 3 things every day that makes you grateful for consecutively 10 days. It strikes me that sometimes the things that make us smile are the smallest thing in life, things that we take for granted every day. So the first thing we can do to control our wake-up-feelings is to be grateful for each and every small things in life. It would be great if there are tons of big momentous things happen in your life every day, but if not, even if it's one hell of a crappy day, learn to be thankful of every breath you take, every food you eat, every drop of urine you can pee (and poop?), because we all know, how many people in this world can not experience such comfort you have. 

I recently cut my foot while opening an iron door in my boarding house. Unfortunately I didn't rush it to the hospital to get stitched. The wound worsened the next day and as a result, I have to wait for 2 months for it to completely heal. In those 2 months, while getting treatment, I have to keep the wound dry and sterile. So, I become anxious (and super lazy) whenever I have to shower. Those 2 months have been agitating for me. On one of my mellowest days, I remembered I prayed to God and cried while hoping whether I am going to be able to take a "normal" shower, without having to put one of my feet up, worried that the water would splash the wound, and not getting super sad and lazy whenever the day to wash my hair came (I even had my haircut to ease myself). It is only through this experience that now I feel super grateful just to be able to shower and wash my hair "normally", thing that I have taken for granted for so long, only after it has gone that I realize how important it is to me. 

Second attempt to control your feeling is, I guess, dream a little dream. No matter how small/big/easy/frightening/cheesy it is, IT IS YOUR DREAMS. No one is entitled to own it, but you. Dreams are what's keeping you up & awake, no matter how struggling each day is. Blessed are those who are living their dreams right now. Double-blessed are the ones who haven't. That means, you are given the chance to live each day to pursue your goals, to try to be better each and every day, to have that trial and error and learn from it, to get excited with every chance you have, and also to fear of what's coming next. I encourage you to go get your dreams, starting today, even if you die when you have not achieved your dreams, you are living your life pursuing a good thing. So why not?

Dreaming makes you have a hope for the future, and as my favorite quote on Shawshank Redemption once said, "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."

Why I Haven't Been Writing These Days

Inconsistency, Procrastination, More Attractive Youtube Content, Movies I've Been Wanting to Stream, Checking my Instagram, Replying Whatsapp Group, Slow Internet Connection, Old Notebook That's Taking Forever to Function.

Those are the major reasons why I haven't been writing my blog lately and suddenly it's 2019.
Sometimes, I have random topics that I eagerly want to write, but again those reasons come in between and stop me from writing.

To start this article right, I do not have any particular topic to write about. Instead, I will just write. One sentence or two, soon it will become a full page article. God, this article is so random and pointless, so feel free to switch your web page.

At the beginning of my blog posts in 2016, I wrote about how writing could be a therapy. I still like writing and do think it as a therapy. However, as I realize that I spend most of my time on instagram, it has crossed my mind, what if I use instagram as my writing media, after all I always love to think and create my caption deeply. My friend Vania has started this "caption crafter" thing or whatever the name is. The point is to tell story through your Instagram posts. I don't think it is easy for me because sometimes what I want to write do not match with any picture, and it is the other way around. Sometimes, the picture I want to post a picture of me without any motivating or crappy pointless story like this one. Moreover, I have a quota limit and instagram surely eats a lot of it.

In fact, I have a good supporting argument for that idea. The thing about social media is that you care enough about how people react to your posts, what are their comments, how many people like it, etc. Although many say, "dude, I don't care what people say or think about my posts". Well I'd say, "dude, if you post it on your social media, I think you do care about what people think about it (at least a bit)". Me? I absolutely care about it, and I know people will definitely judge, and I know it will affect me (even in the slightest impact). I may just have not been ready to receive such attention, there's always a first time for everything. So, who knows?

*) Let's hope this is not my first and last writing in 2019, as I will attempt to reduce those major reasons.