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What is the scariest thing to be a grown-up?
I'll vote for one: Making your own decisions. Why? Because it is extremely hard and almost impossible.
However, I don't think you can call someone an adult if he can not make his own decisions.
I decided to write about being a grown-up as my comeback post (cie elah) because I am still stuck in my confusion of being an adult. Only now have I just realized how hard it is to try to grow up and be a real grown-up women. Often I am confused both with my limited choices and the numerous amounts of alternatives I can pick up. Each with its consequences. Nothing is really good or bad, right or wrong. I can not even trust my own senses because I feel like they can deceive me. Or maybe it is because I am never really sure what I want. The point is being an adult is scary.
On the other hand, being an adult is inevitable. I have to do it. I can not just lie down, wait for my boss, my parents, my friends to decide my life. I can not just "let it flow" and do nothing. Why? Because time flows so damn fast and as you grow older, you can't deny the fact that you have more limited opportunities to go get your dreams.
So again, I have to take my chances to be an adult and I screwed up at the beginning (I still am). From the simplest decision, such as deciding what to wear tomorrow, deciding whether I want to stay or resign from my job, to choosing to reject or accept my true self. Those are the decisions I have to deal every day and none of it is easy.
Last week I heard a good speech by Lisa Kudrow (starred as Phoebe in Friends) that really hit me hard. She said "...the 20s the are a that time in your life when you're really getting acquainted to self-doubt when there's so much seemingly at stake. So let me reassure you. It's not supposed to be easy. You're supposed to have moments of uncertainty about which path to take because the 20s are full of crossroads. When one door closes, another door always opens." That's when I scream to myself: YES.
What is also hard about being an adult is not just the decisions that you have to take, but also to control yourself. Your overflowing emotions, your self-doubts, your uncertainties. You need a clear mind and a peaceful, calm feelings to make the right decisions. And again, it is not easy to clear up your heads when there are so many things happen around you, esp in your 20s. You will have failures, you will have haters and backstabbers, you will get your heart broken, you will lose some friends, and you will fall even more below that you have ever imagined. BUT, you will also rise up, get back on your feet, stand tall, you will have supporters from those who love you, you will have time to heal your wounds, you will gain true friends, and you will find courage and strength inside you to start it all over again. So yeah, it is not easy, but these experiences will make us better and stronger as a human, only if we can see the positive sides.
I am not saying that I am already an adult now. I am still learning. Hard. Sometimes the decision that I have to take requires me to give up another dream in order to pursue other things that I don't even know if that will eventually be better than the initial ones. It does hurts. But, that is the beauty of life:that you keep going, you make mistakes but you don't let it to stop you from living, and eventually you survive.
All in all, let's try of being an adult, survivors! Just so you know: if you find it nearly impossible, you are not alone :)
